By Lurline Raposo MA, RCC

If you are person who struggles with social anxiety, you are too familiar with strong pull to isolate and avoid social settings. Social media offers countless opportunities to connect, share experiences, and even expand our networks, but also provides even more ways to avoid being face-to-face with others. Increasing our use of social media actually elevates anxiety – especially among youth.

This constant flood of carefully curated posts, likes, and comments can exacerbate feelings of inadequacy, fear of judgment, and the pressure to present a perfect self. Self-worth gets measured by “likes,” followers and comments received. This is just the recipe for anxiety and self-criticism. Many people with social anxiety are prone to hiding out on social media platforms as a method of escaping real life.

Like all fears, the best way to overcome social anxiety is through repeated social practice -- in-person with others.

Here are five ways to break the drive to use devices and reduce the impact of social media on social anxiety.

 

1. Observe Your Thoughts and Impulses Without Judging Them

Thoughts, no matter how uncomfortable or distressing, don’t need to control our behaviour. Social anxiety often leads to critical thoughts like "People will judge me," or "I'm not good enough compared to others." These thoughts can feel overwhelming but instead of trying to push these thoughts away, observe them as just thoughts, not as facts. You might ask yourself: What am I thinking right now? What is my mind telling me?

Once you observe the thought, try not to judge the though as “good” or “bad,” but instead acknowledge that it’s just your mind doing what it does — trying to keep us safe from the judgment of others. Creating a sense of distance from your thoughts, helps to free yourself from being overwhelmed by them and reduces their power over you.

Social media often brings up feelings of vulnerability: fear of being judged, disappointment in not receiving as many likes as others, or the pressure to perform and "look good." Instead of reacting harshly to these emotions, practice self-compassion. When you notice feelings of anxiety or self-judgment creeping in, try placing your hand over your heart and gently saying to yourself: This is a moment of pain, and it’s okay to feel this way. Others feel this way too, and I can choose to be kind to myself.

By practicing mindful self-compassion, you acknowledge your feelings without judging them. You give yourself permission to experience discomfort without reacting to it with shame or self-criticism, which often exacerbates anxiety. Over time, this can help you to feel more grounded and less compelled to seek validation through social media.

2. Clarify Your Values and Purpose

When we’re caught in the cycle of social media scrolling, it’s easy to lose sight of what truly matters to us. Are you spending time on social media because it aligns with your values, or is it driven by a desire to fit in or avoid feelings of loneliness or anxiety?

To break the cycle, take some time to reflect on your core values. What is most important to you in life? Is it connection, creativity, personal growth, or something else? When you’re clear on your values, you can make intentional choices about how you spend your time and energy, whether it’s on or offline.

For example, if connection is one of your core values, you might choose to engage in a meaningful conversation with a close friend, rather than aimlessly scrolling through your feed. By orienting your actions around your values, you can reduce the anxiety associated with social media and feel more in control of your life.

3. Set Intentional Boundaries with Technology

Write down your devices and your social apps then estimate how much time you spend per day on each (our devices can do this for us). You might be surprised!

Write a list of how these are beneficial to you both emotionally and practically. For example, they alleviate boredom, and you can use them to expand your knowledge. Then write a list of the negative effects of your technology use. For example, a lack of in person time. Finally, write a list of the activities you might spend your time on if you reduced your time on your devices.

Set clear limits around your device use, such as checking social media only at certain times of the day or using apps that help you track and limit your screen time. When you set these boundaries, approach them with self-compassion: I am doing this because I care about my mental health, and I am worthy of this kind of care.

If you feel anxiety or resistance to these boundaries, acknowledge the discomfort with mindfulness. It’s normal to feel discomfort when changing habits and with time you will adjust. Instead of reacting with frustration or judgment, respond with curiosity and compassion: It’s okay to feel uncomfortable. I am choosing to do this because it aligns with my values and well-being.

4. Set Goals and Evaluate Success

Choose a realistic and achievable activity to spend time on that provides an alternative to using your technology. Avoid something that adds too much pressure and stress until you have some practice with success. Choose something easy and fun that provides you with a lot of positive pay off.

Then review what worked and what didn’t in trying to achieve your new goal toward living in alignment with your values and prioritizing what is important to you. If you identify that your social anxiety is hindering your progress, then apply your mindfulness and self-compassion strategies to the discomfort that is continuing to show up. Expect and normalize critical, judgmental and self-defeating messaging related to your success when you are attempting to make life changes. When you experience resistance, invite self-compassion.

5. Practice Grounding Techniques to Stay Present

The constant distractions of social media can make it difficult to stay grounded in the present moment. When you feel the urge to check your phone or when social media anxiety arises, try grounding techniques that help you to reconnect with the here and now. For example:

· Five Senses Exercise: Name five things you can see, four things you can touch, three things you can hear, two things you can smell, and one thing you can taste.

· Breathing Mindfully: Focus on your breath, noticing each inhale and exhale. Try breathing slowly and deeply for a few minutes.

These practices help bring you back to the present moment and reduce the pull of devices. By training your attention to the here and now, you can reduce the anxiety that often comes from mindlessly scrolling or obsessing over social media interactions.

 

Final Thoughts

Breaking free from the drive to use devices and minimizing the impact of social media on social anxiety is not about completely eliminating social media or avoiding discomfort. It’s about being mindfully aware of our emotions and thoughts and responding to them with self-compassion and values-driven choices. By using these tools we can reclaim our time, reduce anxiety, and create healthier relationships with technology and ourselves.

Remember, it’s okay to feel anxious, to struggle with comparison, or to have moments of vulnerability. What matters most is how we respond to these experiences — with kindness, mindfulness, and the willingness to live in alignment with what truly matters to us.

 

If you found this blog helpful, consider sharing it with someone who might benefit from these insights. You deserve to have a healthier relationship with social media, and it’s never too late to start.